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If not for the conversation just now, it wouldn't have been this bad. It's like it's ALWAYS my fault. NOTHING I do is ever right in your eyes. I feel maligned. Before I can even say anything, you cut in and have so much to say. I would've shouted, I would've screamed, I would've rebelled but I did not. Why? Because it wouldn't be right, because I respect you as authority. Just for all that, I hold myself back. And after that I feel so bad because I didn't stand up for myself. I already said repeatedly that I don't know my schedule yet, and that the earliest I can go for a holiday is Saturday the 13th (not Friday the 12th). I said it SO MANY TIMES, but you didn't register it in your head. And then you blame me for not explaining myself clearly. Seriously though, whose fault is it? (PS: I was not kidding when I said you guys should go to Vietnam without me; I guess I do need some time alone to save myself from insanity) My motivation now = ZERO. I don't even know what to do now. I just feel so lost, running round and round in circles. I try to be positive, I try to be strong, but easier said than done. I'm not gonna lie, I honestly feel suicidal now.

Maybe I should just make my decision once and for all, and not drag this misery on any further.

UGH, I don't know!!!

ETA: While I'm trying not to pin my hopes too high for Radio Acad, I'm praying and hoping something good comes out of it. It is, really, one of my last hopes.